During my younger years, my mom made a big deal out of birthdays. We wore birthday hats, blew up balloons, played games, opened lots of presents and stuffed ourselves with cake and ice cream. It seemed like a sacred moment when we made a wish before blowing out the number of candles that coincided with our age. Birthdays have always seemed magical to me.
When I turned sixteen years old, my dad gave me a beautiful birthday card that he picked out himself. It had a picture of a lovely young girl holding a small white bird in her hands. She stood in a green meadow that was surrounded by blue sky. Her blue and white dress matched the crown of flowers she wore. Her long hair was gently tousled by the wind. Colorful flowers and butterflies surrounded her. When I looked inside the card I was surprised to find words that were handwritten by my father. This was certainly not his style. He seldom gave out birthday cards and if he did, they were humorous, not mushy. The words that really surprised me were ‘remember that your dad loves you.’ The word love seldom came out of my dad's mouth so it shocked me to read this in the card. I put the card away in a safe place. I somehow knew that one day it would become even more important to me. As the years rolled by, I forgot all about this special birthday card.
When the phone rang and announced the shocking news of my dad's death, I fell to the floor in hysterical grief and shock for about three minutes. Then I pulled myself together and prepared to take care of the necessary arrangements. Before I left my house to go be with my mom, I tucked the birthday card my dad had given me on my sixteenth birthday into my purse. For some reason, the card immediately popped into my mind and I felt as if it offered me the strength I would need to get through the unbearable days that would follow. After some time, I felt it was time to put the card away and rejoin the land of the living.
After my dad died, I became very aware of coins and I often found them in unexpected places. One of my favorite places to find them was on the streets where I took my morning walks. Every time I spotted a coin laying on the ground, I bent down, picked up the coin and knew in my heart that it came from my dad. I felt that it was his way of letting me know that he was still around. I made this assumption because money was about the only thing that my dad and I could easily talk about. Most other subjects challenged us.
It seemed unusual that I was suddenly finding coins everywhere. When I spotted one, it was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Gradually, I noticed that coins were not appearing as often. I assumed I had gotten the message that was intended for me and therefore, no longer came across the coins as much as I did shortly after my dad's death.
During the week before my 42nd birthday, I didn't see much reason to celebrate turning yet another year older. I had been in another dip on that ride called the roller coaster of grief. I tuned into the feelings of missing my dad and regret over our often strained relationship. I also proceeded to beat myself up for being weak because I couldn't pull myself out of the funk. Yes, my hole got really deep.
Fortunately, when my birthday rolled around, my dark mood began to dissipate since I longed to feel the magic of having a birthday. As usual, I went for my morning walk and suddenly, I spotted something on the street. It was a penny! I bent down to pick it up and then I saw a nickel. As I reached for the nickel, I saw a dime. It had been such a long time since I experienced the joy of finding loose coins. I immediately connected the coins with my dad. The moment felt surreal. I held the coins in my hand and looked at them. Then, it hit me.
Sixteen! I was holding sixteen cents! An image of the birthday card Dad gave me on my sixteenth birthday popped into my mind. At that moment, I knew that death doesn't separate us from our loved ones. It merely changes the way we interact and communicate with each other. Our loved ones who have passed over stay with us and watch over us as they keep loving us from afar. The love never dies. It lasts forever.
(c)2005 Beverly Keaton Smith
Beverly Keaton Smith, CPCC owns and operates Embrace Your Gifts and Soar! She is a certified life coach who offers individual life coaching, group coaching, workshops and retreats to women who are ready to discover and embrace their unique gifts so they can live more athentically and joyfully. She is also co-author of The Book of Druthers. To learn more about Beverly, visit http://www.embraceyourgifts.com
Article Source: ezinearticles.com
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